Angel of McKinley
by peut-etre-poulet
Summary: spoilers: THANKSGIVING - Marley and Unique; After collapsing Marley finds only one member of New Directions isn't judging her.


**Title::..**Angel of McKinley

**Rating::..**PG for self-harm themes

**Spoilers::..**_Thanksgiving_

**Genre::..**Angst and friendship

**Characters::..**Marley Rose, Unique Adams with mentions to the rest of the Glee club

**Author's Note::..**At first I seriously didn't like Marley, I thought she was boring and there was _no way_ she could be the next Rachel Berry, not even in a million years. But then she sang Blow Me (One Last Kiss) with Unique and I was reminded of myself and my best friend. I see some of myself in Marley and she's definitely grown on me. It seemed to be her bulimia was skimmed over after _Thanksgiving_ so I've taken the liberty to explore it more through her relationship with Unique. I was wondering what my next _Glee_ fic would be and _Thanksgiving_ played that night on TV so I decided to go from immediately after that episode, kind of a missing scene fic.

**Summary::..**After collapsing Marley finds only one member of New Directions isn't judging her.

* * *

Marley didn't know how she had gotten back into the choir room when she had been on the stage only a few seconds ago. All she knew was that she had majorly screwed up.

The world was still spinning around her a little. Despite the fact that she was securely seated on a chair, she felt unsteady as if on the verge of overbalancing. The lights overhead were too bright. Her mouth felt drier than the Nevada desert and her head was pounding. She had never felt so sick in her whole life.

The way everyone was looking at her made her feel worse. She marvelled at how one moment could change everything as all of her friends looked at her as if she were a stranger to them.

She had always been a sensitive girl and so absorbed the emotions she saw on all of their faces. Mr Schuester was disappointed; Jake was hovering and looked confused. Sugar and Brittany looked at her with pity in their eyes. Sam and Artie were concerned, but this was nothing compared to the way Ryder was looking at her, as if she were on her deathbed. Marley could even empathise with Kitty, who appeared to be barely controlling her rage; Marley was pissed at herself too.

It got too awkward to meet their eyes after a while. She looked instead to the ground. Her mind raged on as she wished she could go back and change it all. But there was no going back; she would have to accept that she had ruined everyone's hard work. She wouldn't be surprised if they evicted her from the group, she didn't deserve to call herself one of them after letting them down so terribly. She hated herself for doing this to them and they had every reason to hate her.

Nobody knew what to say. The silence was suffocating; she could hear every shuffle of the pretty dresses. She didn't miss a single disappointed sigh. They should have been celebrating, instead of biting their tongues in this impossible situation.

It all became too much to bear and she got shakily to her feet. It was a strain, but she persisted. She didn't get very far before Jake appeared at her side, ready to catch her in the event of her taking another tumble.

"Are you okay?" He asked, but his handsome face didn't bring her any comfort.

"Yeah, I just have to pee." She lied, feeling very relieved when no one tried to stop her.

She increased speed to a jog when she reached the hallway. She was desperate to reach the bathroom where she could have some privacy. She hadn't wanted to cry in front of the others, not wanting them to think she was feeling sorry for herself. But now she could set the tears free. The sound of her failure bounced off of the tiled walls, echoing in her mind as well.

The door opened and she cringed, clapping her hands over her face in embarrassment. She wanted to hide in one of the stalls, not feeling ready to face anyone yet.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Unique's voice was soft, unthreatening and carrying the promise of forgiveness.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Marley sobbed.

"No one's angry at you; we're all just so relieved that you aren't hurt." Unique reassured her.

Marley felt brave enough to lower her hands. Unique wasn't looking at her as the others had. There wasn't any judgement in Unique's eyes, Marley saw understanding. She felt safe, maintaining eye-contact with her best friend.

"I messed everything up." She lamented. "I feel awful."

Unique pulled Marley into her arms, holding her securely. She worked at matching her breathing to Unique's, trying to calm down. The sensation of drowning began to wear off.

"Everyone must hate me." She said.

"Well I don't." Unique stated, happy to go against the crowd as always. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Marley splashed cold water onto her flushed face and collected a handful of paper towels. She took a seat on the ground and Unique daintily placed herself down beside her.

"You haven't been yourself lately." She commented. "You've been snappy, which I've never seen from you. You look pale and you've had this freaky spaced-out look for days."

"You know me so well." Marley commented gloomily.

"That's my job, isn't it?" Unique nudged her gently. "Come on, it's time for some girl talk."

Marley's throat clenched and for a moment it seemed impossible to go on. "I think I'm bulimic."

Unique wasn't shocked; she had probably suspected it all along. "How long has this been going on?"

"Ever since Grease when my costume wouldn't fit. I mean, I've always felt self-conscious about my body and I'm scared about turning out the same as my mom." Marley admitted. "But then my costume didn't fit night after night and Kitty suggested that-…"

Unique's shoulders tensed. "Kitty." The word came out as a vicious growl. "That little white devil."

"She said that she stayed thin by throwing up and it was the only way I could figure out to lose weight in time for the show." Marley explained.

"Sweetie, you know you shouldn't be listening to Kitty. She's a bully, she's pure evil." Unique reminded her.

"I know, but for my whole life I've felt like the biggest loser. Girls like Kitty, they're winners. She's got the body, the cheerleader uniform and all the boys want her. I thought if I could look more like her I'd start to feel like a winner." Marley said.

"And after Grease you kept doing it?" Unique prompted.

Marley hugged her legs to her chest as the shame swelled up inside. "I couldn't stop, I just felt so fat. I'd set myself a goal weight and I'd tell myself I'd stop once I hit it. But then whenever I reached the goals I didn't see any change so I'd make a new goal. It's like being on a carousel that never ends, I wanna get off, but I don't know how.

"Then for tonight I wanted to look pretty in my dress and I started taking laxatives." She hadn't intended to tell anyone this part; it was the part she was most embarrassed of. But she knew Unique wouldn't judge her. She couldn't tell only half of this story to her best friend. "I guess that's why I fainted, but I just wanted my dress to fit."

She buried her face in her hands, the sobs overcoming her again. Her chest was hurting from all of this crying but she couldn't stop herself. She was so disgusted in herself, which she supposed was the right reaction to have.

"Can I show you something I've never shown anyone else before?" Unique asked and Marley peeked between her fingers at her.

Unique unclipped the chunky bracelet, removing it from her wrist. Marking this flesh were a series of scars. A bunch of neat lines all across her wrist. Marley's heart skipped a few beats and she felt she might be sick at the idea of her friend hurting herself. This explained why Unique hadn't judged Marley's self-destructive behaviour.

"I know what it's like to hate yourself." Unique stated, her voice trembling. "Before I realised that I was Unique I was angry, confused and sad all of the time. Every day it was like I was fighting a war with myself. I didn't understand and it all seemed like it would never end. I couldn't admit who I was to myself because I didn't think anyone else would accept me. So I tried to kill myself.

"I didn't let anyone know that I was cutting because they'd ask why and I knew I couldn't explain it. I wanted to die; I just wanted it to stop hurting." Unique told Marley.

"These cuts don't look fresh." Marley noted. "What made you stop?"

"I realised I was the only person standing in my way. I finally got out of my way and accepted what I couldn't change." Unique replied. "I stopped trying to hurt myself and started focusing on the things that are great about me." She got to her feet and offered a hand to Marley. "Let me show you how I did it."

Marley allowed herself to be pulled up from the ground. Her head was light as she walked with Unique to stand in front of the mirrors. She felt hollowed out, this was the emptiness being the 'right' size and winning Sectionals should have filled. It was like she was a shell with everything that had once been inside purged out. She had to take a moment of pause to recognise the girl reflected back at her.

"Tell me what you see when you look in this mirror." Unique instructed.

Marley's breath rattled out of her in a defeated sigh. "Chubby cheeks, sad puppy eyes, thin lips, boy shoulders. I see a loser, a girl who let all of her friends down."

"I respectfully disagree." Unique declared. "I see a very kind and determined girl with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." Marley bit her lip and lowered her eyes; she always got uncomfortable when people complimented her, feeling she didn't deserve it. "I see a girl with a heart of gold and a voice that sometimes makes me want to rip out your voice-box in my rages of jealousy. The girl I see is smart and sweet and couldn't be replaced by a million Kitty's."

"You're too nice to me." Marley said, feeling very bashful.

"I'm not the only one who sees it." Unique pressed on. "Those two handsome boys in Glee have been jumping through hoops to impress you. They are in love with you and the way you look. Your body is beautiful Marley, you're beautiful. Promise me you won't try to hurt yourself like this ever again."

"I'm scared I won't be able to stop." Marley admitted.

"Since when have you ever been scared of anything?" Unique asked, appearing genuinely surprised. "You weren't scared when you auditioned for Glee or when you took on the lead role of the school musical. You have more courage than you know."

Marley flung her arms around the girl opposite her. It was to be in contact with the bravery she saw in Unique every day. She embraced her friend tightly; hopefully some of Unique's fearlessness would rub off on her.

"I know what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving." Marley commented, wanting to get off of the subject or else spend the rest of her life crying in this bathroom.

Unique beamed back at her. "Me too."

"Does your family have anything special planned for the holiday?" Marley asked.

"My family does, I'm just not invited." Unique replied gloomily.

"What does that mean?" Marley said.

"My family don't really understand me dressing as a girl all of the time. They're supportive to a point. But they thought it was a phase or some kind of game, something I was doing for attention. They don't accept it as a legitimate lifestyle for me. My dad can't even look at me when I'm wearing a dress. I spend most of my time sitting alone in my bedroom, that way I don't have to hide who I really am. It sucks when your own family treat you like a freak." Unique explained, very deflated. Her bottom lip was pouting out, as it always did when she got upset.

Unique had literally pulled Marley off of the ground and now the tables had turned. "You'll spend it with me." Marley suggested.

Unique dabbed tentatively under her eyes, trying not to smear her makeup – she hadn't lost track of her priorities. "What do you mean?"

"You'll come to my house and have Thanksgiving dinner with me and my mom." Marley clarified.

"You don't have to do that." Unique said.

"I don't have to, but I want to. My mom loves you, she'll be happy to have you." Marley said. "Please say yes, otherwise I won't be able to enjoy my Thanksgiving; I'll be too distracted worrying about you. When you think about it, that's a pretty mean thing to do to me."

"You've given me no choice." Unique observed.

"Is that a yes?" Marley gave Unique her best winning smile.

Unique surrendered. "Yes."

They hugged again and Marley was glad to have something to look forward to. It was good to know that not everyone in the Glee club hated her.

* * *

Marley's Mom had made too much for dinner as usual, meaning there was more than enough food for the third person at their table. It would have been a morose event without Unique in attendance. This way Millie had someone else to talk to, something to think about other than her sick daughter. This also distracted her from noticing how little Marley was eating; she could only stomach a small amount.

Unique was a very interesting kid, able to keep Millie entertained for most of the meal. Marley knew that angels were part of the Christmas scenery, but she thought Unique was her Thanksgiving Angel, saving her from an awkward dinner with her mom.

Marley was happy to be able to provide her best friend with a place where she could feel comfortable and supported. Marley could never repay Unique for taking care of her in the bathroom, but she would do her best to take care of her friend. If she had gained anything from the past horrible week it was a stronger bond with Unique.

Millie wouldn't want to embarrass her daughter by discussing something so personal in front of a friend and so the most painful conversation of Marley's life was postponed for a different night. It wasn't the worst Thanksgiving they'd ever had, as Marley had dreaded. She could only hope next year would be better.

After dinner Marley took Unique up to her bedroom. They sat on her bed and watched romantic movies on her out-dated television. Unique painted Marley's nails and discussed who the cutest boys in school were.

This was the closest to normal Marley had felt in a while. She wasn't starving, no longer ignoring the constant grumbling of an empty stomach. Unique wasn't looking at her like she was an alien. It was nice to talk about silly things and have a laugh, a welcome break from thinking about her weight.

"There are healthier ways to stay in shape." Unique commented, munching on a cookie while Marley stuck with her juice box. "We could become exercise buddies. We could do one of those dance-fitness classes, or something fun like that."

"I didn't know you wanted to lose weight." Marley stated. "I thought you were happy being voluptuous."

Unique shrugged. "A good diva knows that the key to longevity is image reinvention."

"But then you'll lose your lumps, your lovely lady lumps." Marley reminded her.

Unique rolled her eyes. "I'm embarrassed for you white girl, please never do that again in my presence."

The laughter burst out of Marley and Unique quickly joined her. Marley was soon doubled over on the bed, thinking she might never stop laughing.

The movies carried on and with her head propped against the pillows Marley began to feel very drowsy. She was happy and feeling optimistic, something she hadn't experienced in a while. She wasn't feeling brave at the moment and she knew there were more hard times to come; it wasn't over, not by a long shot. But she had Unique for inspiration. She didn't have to feel scared and alone anymore, things were going to get better, surely.

**The End.**


End file.
